5 Random Stories

Awhile ago I wrote this at the request of another when it was trending on facebook… as usual, I over analyze everything.

Things I bet you didn’t know about me!

1. I still have a baby tooth. I have the adult tooth in there. Everything appears to be normal besides my jaw/teeth structure is moving abnormally slow. That, or I’m just a freak of nature. I was told they could yank the baby one out and pull the adult one down to quicken the process. I decided against as I figured it would resolves itself or I could deal with that when I am running around looking like I got a tooth punched out. Regardless, I wasn’t interested in aggravating number 2.

2. Every time I open my mouth, chew, yawn, kiss, whatever- I can hear my jaw. I have ground my teeth and clenched my jaw compulsively since I was a baby- especially while sleeping. I can dislocate one joint at a time, have woken up with my jaw stuck shut and get to have this strange conversation/explanation upon first getting intimate with someone. Yeah, it is that noticeable. My jaw does not sit normally while relaxed and thats why I sort of have my ‘double chin’. I could get a surgery and have the joints replaced basically, but the root of the problem is related to OCD and life long traits. I wouldn’t imagine it taking long to aggravate that.

3. I did not go to a traditional high school. I went to an alternative school for k-12 designed to give students a more ‘therapeutic setting’ and cope with anger, trauma, the like. We were patted down upon entering, put in rooms without door knobs on the inside, there were mats for restraining and we were just expected to act out. It didn’t take long how to figure out how the sneak in the drugs we were already prescribed and understand that I could toss a desk down the hall, tell a teacher to go jack off with a cheese grater, fill out a think sheet and then go back to class 30 minutes later. It was expected and thus condoned as acceptable. Here is where I really went from a meek traumatized kid to the spit fire I became by freshman year. We were not treated like people. While there I organized a voting system, set up the elections for student council, landed president, set up voting for a mascot, colors and other ‘normal’ school functions. After that I grew bored and dropped out. (Black,red, silver. Dragons. They still have their annual school carnival.)

4. I was a pharmaceutical guinea pig growing up. From 12 on I was put on and off almost every ssri, antipsychotic, whatever our insurance would cover. If I wasn’t depressed, unstable or out of control before I certainly was then. I was suicidal, angry, miserable and extremely self destructive. As I’ve grown older I still can’t draw the line as to what was situation, chemical or drug induced. My first time altering my state of consciousness was not voluntary. The first time I did voluntarily I had no clue what i was doing. I had heard something about xanax and my mom had these little pink pills. They were legal, so certainly I had to take quite a bit to get effed up, right? Well, I took 7 which is almost 2 bar of xanax. Well, that was a weird night. Cannabis certainly would have been safer. Getting children comfortable popping random petroleum byproducts in to their mouth at a young age may not be a great choice, parents. In fact, it is really fucking stupid, selfish and unhealthy.

5. I did not get in to cannabis activism because I loved pot. Don’t get me wrong, I could and would smoke you under the table. I believe the prohibition of hemp is directly related to artificially inflating the value of petroleum products and perpetuated the debt class monetary system we live in today. The reason I was initially so passionate is because I knew first hand that people were being herded towards unsafe and oddly more socially acceptable means of coping with their reality. On November 17 2005, I woke up next to my best friend and closest thing to a soul mate I have ever experienced… and he was not breathing. I performed cpr and clotted blood came out of his chest. I thought he was throwing up and would be ok. When the EMTs arrived I was told he had been dead for at least 2 hours and they pulled a bottle of alprazolam with my name on it out of his pocket. Perhaps this is a story I will get more off my chest as this anniversary approaches. I wouldn’t count on it, though.

6. I used to have a neurotic hatred for tap water. I wouldn’t drink it. If I use ice, it’s not a big deal now. Mmm, fluoride. I could use some apathy…

7. If you leave cigarette butts in my yard I will curse your name in my thoughts for weeks. No, it’s not fair or rational. No, I don’t care.

2 thoughts on “5 Random Stories

  1. Hello , I found you on CopBlock and have followed and liked the added links they provided for you, and I am glad I did, you and I share many of the same ideas, and frankly I am impressed with your knowledge and vocabulary at just 24…..I am commenting on the post, “things you don’t know about me”, because I can relate to # 6, 100%. I too lost my soulmate when he was 25 to an overdose, we had found out our daughter had a terminal illness and that was his escape…..it was cowardly and wrong. From reading your post I assume that what happened in your situation was an accident, but I assure you I understand your pain. I just wanted to let you know you have my deepest sympathies…but you are a strong , smart, capable women, that can and will do anything you put your mind to ! Lot’s of love…..Julie I look forward to following your journey

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